Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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