Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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