she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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