You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
