The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
