if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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