I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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