Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
