Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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