If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
