so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
