I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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