i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
