I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
