U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
