You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
