I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize