You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
