the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
