:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
