I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
