i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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