no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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