Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
