just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
MIDGETS
????
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
