Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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