My nipple is on Facebook.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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