did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
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ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
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I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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