I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
