apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
