I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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