I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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