My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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