Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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