You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
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