Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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