I can't watch pbs sober anymore
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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