i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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