vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
