Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
