Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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