I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Enjoy the penises
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
