Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
