You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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