omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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