and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
