I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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