yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
