we're chasing vodka with high fives
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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