Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
