What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize