He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
