I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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