Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Randomize
