weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
