I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
