Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
