My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize