Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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