You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
