he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
