I hate all girls vehemently.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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