Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
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I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
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Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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